A sound investigation which could be improved with some simple scientific experimental procedure alterations.
1. Be clear of the aim of the investigation. It is clear that water will move in and out of the potato cell by osmosis, the aim of the experiment was to determine the solute concentration of the potato cell, which
was achieved. The conclusion should have focussed on this.
2. Try to avoid talking in first person throughout the paper instead of saying "I did this, then I did this..." write in third person "Firstly the potato cylinders were added to the sodium chloride solution, they were then left for 24 hours..."
3. Be consistent with terminology. If you refer to the potato cylinders as cylinders at the start of the paper call it this throughout the paper.